Same Old Same Old

(left) A typically unpleasant attractive man yesterday.

Christ, I am so utterly sick of the way women constantly contradict themselves. On the one hand you get this group of ladies constantly hacking on about when it comes to the attractiveness of men, they go for personality every time. Whereas, all of us pug ugly blokes know that if I were in the company of these "perfectly normal" ladies, chatting away, being self-effacing, articulate, witty and charming, it would only take some complete knob-end who happened to be a male model to walk in and I might as well be a paper bag full of two week old dog crap for all the attention they would pay to me.

One lady friend of mine who changes her boyfriends about as often as she changes her knickers, was once spouting off to me about how awful her life was. What was the problem, I asked. Well, she kept meeting these men and they all turned out to be bastards. Why was this? Because she kept picking mean, moody looking men, who looked cruel as they were her big turn on. And after dating them and shagging them for a few weeks, what did Professor Oft-Changed-Knickers discover? Yes! They were all a bunch of arrogant unpleasant nasty cunts who were only interested in themselves in a very selfish way. I did once suggest about dating someone like me, but she nearly had to break out a fresh supply of Tena Lady pads, she laughed so raucously. Apparently I am really safe, and like a brother to her. So in other words I might as well go and saw my wedding tackle off now as I shall have no further use for the fucking things in future. And she is also one of these sorts of very attractive people that if she is single for more than about three weeks, she starts to go a bit deranged, questioning her very being and place on Planet Earth. Try being me, love. Single - completely and utterly, since 2008 officially, but the way my wife, and her frigid ice filled knickers carried on probably officially single/sexless since about 2006. Yes, try that, then tell me you're really alone and sad.

So if anyone, and I mean anyone is actually reading this fucking blog, can you tell me what to do next? Mail me, at rob.gillan@yahoo.co.uk and let me know what I should do to meet a perfectly nice normal lady who is going to look at me not as some huge fat ugly elderly monster, but as a sane pleasant human being with more personality than is probably legal in most EU countries, who is also witty, charming, and articulate; educated, professional and relatively wealthy; and, when given the chance, very very romantic. What the fuck do I do? I think I can guess the answers - you'll just meet someone, you see. NO I FUCKING WON'T - IT DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT TO FAT UGLY BASTARDS LIKE ME! Stop trying and you'll just bump into Ms Right! ARGH! FUCK OFF! I WON'T! AND EVEN IF I DID, I AM SO HUGE I'D PROBABLY CRUSH THE POOR BITCH! I have been looking, on and off, for the past FIVE years and I have not met anyone yet, please tell me when is it going to end? I NEED TO KNOW.